Friday, January 22, 2010

Vampires Beware, I Love Garlic

Ok, now to focus on more beauty matters at hand such as the topic of How To Rid Ourselves of Garlic Breath. 

but first, an ode...

I love that, as a whole, the head of garlic can be placed in the oven; with a mere drizzle of olive oil and a slight sprinkle of sea salt, it then slowly will brown and roast into a buttery consistency thereby allowing it to melt unabashedly into your mouth.  I love that you can peel a clove right off of the body and hear the crackle of the skin, then coax open it's essence with a swift spank of the side of your knife (think less violence more foreplay).  I love the smell that wafts up into the kitchen as the delicate, fruity quality of olive oil mingles with the, once overpowering and bitter, quality of the garlic; the oil somehow has the power to persuade this controversial herb/vegetable to open up and show the more subtle, but seductive, nuances in its flavor.  Marinara, Scampi, Skirt Steak, Bread, Hummus, Stuffed Mushrooms, you name it, I'll add it.  And if I need to bring a bold dish to a potluck, I'll feel better if bagna cauda is at the party.  Because if everyone tries it, no one will smell it on anyone's breath, right?

now just stick a spoon in it (your mouth that is)

They say (and whoever "they" are... does it matter?) that one garlic cancels another.  For instance, only order a Caesar Salad if your date does too.  Well, that seems to work, but what if someone you're with eats stuffed garlic mushrooms and you only want a house salad?  SIMPLE. Just make sure you share a dessert. Wait a minute, what?  Yup. Pay attention. SECRET: Stainless Steel neutralizes the smell of garlic (and onion for that matter).  Regardless of your chosen cuisine, you must at least have a dessert or coffee so that you can obtain a spoon.  It must be stainless steel.  I know some restaurants only offer actual silverware, but in that case, I suggest keeping a teaspoon handy in your clutch.


Be seductive.  No one will notice that you're cleaning your pallette and scraping your tongue if you act like you are really into your double chocolate, caramel mud meltdown.  You're going to have to literally rub the garlic oils off of your tongue.  Scrape, salivate, suck, swirl people!  You do want to get a goodnight smooch don't you?  I don't care if you're on a diet, it works for coffee too.  For goodness sake, at least get some whip cream on top so you don't look like a crackhead though.  Be creative. Be flirty. Be sly. This could be the segue to what happens next.

Of course, the ol' brushing of teeth never hurt anyone (might as well floss while you're at it), and yes, mints/candy/gum help.  However, sometimes a moment happens and there is No Time to hit up the restroom for primping so suck it up and spoon!  Oh, and make sure to share...

Have Fun and please, please, please keep me posted.  I'd love to hear how it went;)

xBRB

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Vampires Beware, I Love Garlic
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